Stop Fighting

So, as my previous post said (spoiler alert in case you haven't read it yet!) we found out we are having baby number two this past week. I was so excited I could bearly contain myself. We had been trying for a few months now- and finally success!
Then on Sunday night I started feeling really down. Part of it could have been the fact that I was getting sick(I have a sinus infection thingy), part of it could be hormonal, and another part could be that the idea that a life-altering change had just occurred. It takes me awhile to adjust to change, even if it is exciting. But what it came down to was since Sunday I've kinda felt like I was the devil's playground. I just felt like I was being attacked by sadness, fears, doubts, and all that stuff that can plague your mind. I felt drained. I was physically exhausted from being sick and then from being up all night with my daughter who was sick. I was emotionally and mentally exhausted from trying to find out what was going on with me and fight back as best I could.
And fight back I did. I prayed for the strength to fight, I did some spiritual warfare praying, and just kept turning to Jesus every second I could. And yet even yesterday during the day I felt like I was drowning. I felt like if I started crying I would never stop. I didn't know what else to do.
But God did. He always does.
I went to the sacrament of reconciliation last night. And that was really helpful. Letting God surround me with His mercy and wash me clean. But what I heard God say afterwards is what stuck with me. As I was praying for just a few moments before I had to go to a meeting, I heard God say Stop Fighting. At first I didn't understand. Why did He want me to stop fighting? I had to keep fighting otherwise I would get swallowed up by whatever was attacking me. But the more I thought about it, the more I understood. God wanted me to stop fighting so that He could fight for me. Before, I wasn't trying to do it on my own. I was trying to do it with God, me backed up by His strength. But this time God wanted to do it on His own. It was like He was saying to me, you've fought enough.
For those who do not know my life story, or at least not all of it, I would say that statement is the truth. I fought for survival for a long time- too long. And these days when I have to pick up that fight again, sometimes it can seem unbearable. So to hear God say I'll do it, that was wonderful. I stopped. I turned it all over to Him, and let Him fight. And He did. Today is a hundred times better than yesterday. How awesome is God! He knew that while I would have kept fighting, I was exhausted and weary from the long road. And so He let me rest, and He carried me. I couldn't ask for anything more than that.